Sunday, July 4, 2010

Hello Again.. Mid 2010

Holy shit it's been an eternity since I've written a thing. I don't just mean a journal either. My life, as of late, has been primarily action oriented. I watch my life go from a young rebellious artist, to a seasoned responsible left brainer. Sometimes I'm sure I appreciate the change.. other times I think, who IS this woman who has taken hostage my old high school new waver? I'm having children, and staying sober, and getting a dog, and trying to buy a house.. what is going ON? And here's one major difference. I've gone from isolating myself in my own little world of 'difference' and 'alienation', to trying to be a part of, and building history and being open and socializing with others. I can still appreciate the differences, but it was making me socially awkward.. and not in a good way. I was mostly pissed off and pissed on and out for blood. Now I'm just trying to make a living and stay sober, and be healthy, clean, and successful. And I've gotten to where it's simply too tiring to tell you what I can show you instead.

So I'm not writing anymore. I'm blogging, maybe, but not writing.

In a sense, that girl is dead. (or maybe just hibernating, I don't know.) There was that girl once. I moved people with my words and honest disclosures. She was very impassioned by love.. and by angst.. and all of them were great catalysts to wordplay and such.. but no more. :) It becomes very difficult to resurrect what one can not redirect the course of. (the past) Maybe someday I'll be brutally honest about all of that. Maybe it will be an old tired broken fucking record that everyone will finally feel has beaten the hell out of them and me. Maybe only years of therapy will neatly clean it all up..

In the meantime, I'm here. Plug -plugging away in my life. Working tirelessly for the benefit of my family, myself, and my fellow Americans. I'm becoming a suburbanite, of sorts. And by God, there's nothing wrong with that... I used to think there was, until I tried to do it.. and realized that this shit is not for the birds. It takes a lot of work to upkeep a life and raise children who aren't ax murderers. (which is actually the goal of today with my son who is just barely pre kindergarten.)

So anyhow.. that's the scoop. Not that anybody should or will give a flying eff about it. But here it is, nonetheless.

See you again soon.